Begin again

So after 3 weeks of no exercise and stupid amounts of bedrest, I've started the slow process of rebuilding my strength and fitness again (a multi-annual event anyway, so I should be used to it!). Basically I'll be easing my way back into some walking, working hard to not give in to my impatience by jumping quickly to my full hour-long walk, no matter how much I want to see the slightly farther flung parts of my neighbourhood again.

I've at least managed to wind back from 15+ hours a day in bed to a more tolerable 11.

My hope is that I can sustain some 15 minute walks most days for the next few weeks without sparking another relapse, which'll then allow me to bump up the duration of the walks. I did want to at least regain a little leg strength before spending a few days down the coast next week, and before a hectic work November tests my energy, so fingers crossed for a successful week.

A new identity

If I no longer have the energy to be an overachiever, what am I? While I've (at least temporarily) found a certain I've-been-much-sicker-in-the-past-so-I'm-not-going-to-let-my-current-health-frustration-depress-me-too-much attitude, the reality is that I'm not going to be able to spend more than 20 hours a week working anytime soon, if ever again. That hard limit means that I can either be a generalist (made ineffective and underproductive by enforced multitasking) or a specialist (something which would require more passion and focus than I've achieved for ages).

Even if I can make that decision, and successfully create the right role, I'm never again going to be what work calls a "high potential" individual. I'm not going to move up the ranks of management. I'm not going to be on the critical path for any major projects. I'm not going to have a large team of people to guide the development of.

Right now I'm getting by, adding value where I can, occasionally feeling that I'm needed. But are those 20 hours spent in the office helping me to a more meaningful life, or simply sucking up the little energy I do have, preventing me from actioning more important things?

Just one of the issues I ponder in my many hours of mandatory rest!