Since my demanding public is crying out for more SSS's, I thought I'd put one up which I wrote about 7 years ago, and I got the feeling it was wasted on someone who simply didn't get it. So here it is for more discerning readers:

MANGO THE PUMPKIN

“Oy! What do you think you’re doing?” screamed Juniper the strange-looking toadfish.
“Nothing much!” replied Angle Strongarm, the eminently plausible subatomic particle, obstinately.
“As it should be!” summarised Mango, who was a wonderfully attractive beige pumpkin.

THE END

Or maybe it's just not that good?!?

And, at the risk of overdoing it, here's another one, never seen by non-Bertie eyes:

PLAINLY SO

Wallowsworth the pencil-handler had drunk obscurely from the plinth of sublimation, and found herself rather pedantically free of bran. This was fairly typical in such cases, but it concerned Wallowsworth nonetheless.
Pickles wasn't quite so worried. He had never taken to the habit of perambulation, so the lack of such was a minor inconvenience at worst. This was his first mistake. His second was to get between the bran and Wallowsworth. Being snaffled by a pencil-handler is rarely pleasant.

THE END

It's material like this that got me hooked on Shaun Micallef in the first place (along with the delightful spelling of his first name).

I can only dream of a day when my Surreal Short Stories contain this much nonsensicality.

I'm really only posting this entry to update the design of my page, with a new - very appropriate - subtitle.

A couple of things:

1. the last post sounds stoopid because I worked out how to set the time correctly, so now the only time that's wrong is the one where I'm talking about how wrong the other times are.

2. the new link "Oracle of Bacon" is to a site where you can type in any actor/actress and find out how to get from them to Kevin Bacon. It also links to a page where you can find out the link between any two actors.

Of course it wasn't actually 1.19am when that message was posted, more like 6.20pm. I may be crazy, but not middle-of-the-night-keen-to-do-weights crazy!

Annoyed now. Locked out of my own garage and unable to do weights (which I'm finally healthy enough for) as a result. Can't even drink to console myself...

Now the sidebar links actually go somewhere worthwhile. I'll add more over time.

And while I'm here, a Surreal Short Story:

CARD-CARRYING CAT CONCUBINE

Predatory silence. Chilling labyrinthine confusion. These sentences set the mood. A mood of open hilarity and short sentences. Until that one. But now they're back.

THE END

OK, I just noticed how ironic my first post was, when read in conjunction with the subtitle of the page.

Not so inspired right now, but I aim to write something really craaaaaazy soon...